Relationships Have some relationships changed since your diagnosis? This is common. Families operate as a system and when one member of that system changes, it requires change in the other members. Hopefully, your family has the elasticity to adjust, and you have loved ones who are able to care for and support you during this time. If you've been the "strong" one in the family, and now become "weak" (physically, that is) it means others will have to assume more of a "strength" role and that may be difficult for them. Not everyone is able to handle illness. This has nothing to do with who you are. You are still the beautiful person you always were. It is all about where they are. They have their own issues around your diagnosis and their own grief to walk through. One of my friends didn't call the whole year I was on chemo. Afterwards she called and said, "Sorry, I couldn't handle it." Another friend dropped in or called the night before every treatment day! I was in hospital for two weeks and my Mom didn't visit. I was hurt and asked her why. After a list of excuses she finally said, "If I had come to visit you, I would have cried." She considered herself "strong," and tears were for those who were "too sensitive." I put my arm around her and said, "Mom, that would have been so good because then we could have cried together." We cried then and there and our relationship was strengthened. My hubby, Joe, had already nursed one wife through cancer and he was the most understanding and supportive husband and friend I could have had. As cancer patients, we try to protect those around us and often minimize our discomfort or pain to keep others comfortable. This may seem "heroic," but has a price tag. It means we may not have an outlet for our deep emotions. When one cancer survivor read The Valley of Cancer she said, "I didn't have anyone with whom to share my feelings. You gave me words for the feelings I couldn't express." Try to connect with other cancer patients. They understand. Hopefully there's an organization like "Wellspring" or a support group where you can receive a listening ear, support and understanding. The clinic where I received treatment had a social worker on staff. Several times I spent an hour with her and that was very helpful. A friend gave me an Evening Primrose plant last week and last night two buds opened up! The flowers unfold very quickly at dusk and bloom all night long! As I stood outside in the dark taking pictures of the lovely "roses," I thought of you. Even though you are going through a "dark night," and may feel very unattractive and "droopy," remember God sees your soul and in His eyes you are blooming! He completely understands.He is "A friend who sticks closer than a brother." Release your feelings, your fears, and your hopes to Him! He said, "I am with you always!" (Proverbs 18:24; Matthew 28:20) A.F. NEXT: "Nourishment" BACK TO: "Archives"